Everything is a blur because my mind is never present
I’m hiding all this
Buried deep in hurt and lies all over again
It’s a weight I refuse to unburden
That is the strange thing
How do you get rid of something you so desperately want to keep?
Every conversation digs deeper,
Burrowing like a needle in my skin
Giving you so much leeway
It’s as if my mind is yours and you have so much control
I know you don’t have any
We’re both stuck in a rut
Both too much in love but both afraid to hurt someone
Why do I no longer have the control over my bitterness?
It’s something I should use to fix this hell of unrequited love
So here we both sit
Thinking of each other and how much we can’t stand someone kissing the other’s lips
It should be us, it could be us.
At some point I’ll throw a glass of water on the wall
I’ll scream uncontrollably
I want to lose control like that
How nice it would be to rant or run naked down the street in a mental breakdown
Maybe attack someone or bursting into tears
I’ll tell someone what I really feel
This time I’ll overcome restrictions
I think that is what we both need
A temper tantrum, one moment of truth
Why is your name pounding like a heartbeat in my brain?
It distracts me from math and science, because they don’t really matter
Not in the way you do
I think I might wake up in class to discover my pencil broken in my fist
I’m so angry.
I’m not trying to be cliché, but time in moving in flashes
It’s some kind of torture method my mind is pulling on me,
The time until we speak again comes quicker? Why?
So that I can hold back what I feel for no good reason
I’ll pretend I don’t want to tell you that all I want is you
I know you feel that too
Why is it so difficult?
What is this hierocracy my mind is pulling on me?
I can’t make myself happy
It’s because I’m sick
And I’m twisted
But I love you, and that’s all that matters right now